“They were pretty good, but he didn’t even allude to butt stuff once, I wasn’t too impressed,” explained Uber passenger Amanda Wolf. After a night out of casual drinking with her friends, Amanda decided to Uber home from the bar after watching her designated driver take four shots of Patron in a row.
Within minutes of ordering, Amanda was alerted that her driver Miguel was outside waiting. “Hubba Hubba!!” exclaimed Miguel as Amanda climbed into the backseat. After explaining to him where her destination was, Miguel immediately took the conversation into his own hands, getting extremely personal from asking if she had a boyfriend to asking if she had ever seen an uncircumcised penis.
Seeing how the GPS showed that his female passenger was only going nine minutes down the road, Miguel knew he had a small window of time to be as creepy as possible. His sexual advances needed to go from zero to sixty faster than the Nissan Altima they were in. “The creativity just wasn’t there nor the passion, I just didn’t feel like he actually wanted to follow me into my apartment and have sex with me against my will. I was just expecting more out of a man with a chinstrap like that,” stated Amanda.
After reaching the destination and discussing a tip, Miguel failed to make a reference to the tip of his penis, which inevitably led to his rating of three stars. As for Amanda, she was seen downloading Lyft on the walk to her apartment, and when asked why she explained “Uber is cool and all, but the drivers for Lyft just really know how to make a woman feel like she’s in the opening scene on an episode of Law and Order: SVU.”