In the 96 hours Donald Trump has been our president he is already attempting to do things his way, but not so much in a cool, “Frank Sinatra” type of way, but more like a “holy shit you can’t be serious, Jesus, God no” type of way.
Resurrecting the Dakota Pipeline and signing an anti-abortion executive order are just two of the things he has been catching heat for. But his most alarming move has flown under the radar, which is President Trump changing the nuclear codes to 5318008, which spells out “BOOBIES” when turned upside down. “It’s great. Great Idea. There’s none greater. Missiles. Boobies. Great,” explained our president.
Now I’m not one to judge the ideas of our president because I’ve never had my own reality television show, but the idea that any 13-year-old pubescent son of a bitch can sneak into the pentagon and start a nuclear holocaust is a bit alarming to me. It’s a joke as old as time, typing 5318008 into your calculator and tonguing the calculator towards your greasy, pimple-faced comrades.
Now not only do we have to worry about terrorism from ISIS, but also from Tanner, a seventh grader at Two Rivers Middle School who reeks of Axe body spray and anger after having his tech deck taken away because he was practicing kick flips during Social Studies. I just hope the Pentagon steps up their security by putting child locks on everything so that even our baby hands president has to have an adult accompany him before he provokes World War 3.