Traffic Report: Guy on Vespa Scooter Either on His Way to Get No Pussy or on His Way Back From Getting No Pussy

trafficreport

If you are traveling down U.S. Highway 19 today you may want to be aware of a man on a Vespa Scooter who seems to be dictating traffic. It is uncertain if the grown man on the scooter is on his way to get no pussy or if he is on his way back from getting absolutely zero pussy.

He is keeping a steady turtle-like pace of 23 mph, which on a scooter seems fast but in a regular car that adults who don’t have outstanding warrants drive, not so much. It is assumed he is one of those guys who reeks of shitty weed and axe body spray while preying on girls 10 to 15 years his junior on outdated social media sites such as “Kik” and “MySpace.”

Although the man has not yet been identified, passing civilians are referring to him as “human garbage” and “an amber alert waiting to happen,” no word yet on which one he answers to.

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