Mitch Caldwell is considered to have it too easy 364 days a year, but the first Monday of September rolls around and now it’s his time to gloat. “Being a stay-at-home dad is a full-time job, I don’t get the day off like the rest of these sissy’s. If I don’t put Frozen in the DVD player, who will? Do you know what it’s like to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for a year straight? No you don’t, because you’re too busy with your days off in your comfy office, banging your slutty secretaries,” stated Mitch while burping a baby.
While everyone enjoys their day off on Monday, Caldwell will be huffing and puffing trying to look for sympathy anywhere he can get it from the fact that he gets “no days off.” Mitch’s wife is an investment banker and rakes in a comfortable six-figure salary, and the emasculation continues as he is forced to drive a minivan with those stupid stick figure family people on the back while she zips around town in a 2016 BMW.
“Some people will claim I don’t work, and those people are just ignorant, superficial, and employed,” explained Mitch. So while you’re enjoying your Labor Day tomorrow, remember there are hardworking men such as Mitch who don’t have that royalty, and have to wake up, pour cereal, and watch The View as their children play with blocks in the other room.