Growing up as kids, we all looked to our parents and wanted a marriage like that. Little did we realize our parents hadn’t had sex in years, but were putting on some façade until we were old enough to watch them fight and let it all hang out right in front of us.
56-year-old Kevin McMahon, a married man of 23 years, recently found himself in a predicament along those lines. After heading to his doctor’s office for a routine checkup, McMahon was prescribed Lypotec, a new pill to help manage and ultimately lower his cholesterol.
“I’ve seen the commercials for it on television; it’s one of those pills that, at the end of the commercial, they tell you to ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex while taking it. But honestly, what’s the point? Sharon hasn’t let me stick her in over three years. Hell, we’re not even sleeping in the same room anymore,” confessed Kevin.
After receiving the pills, Kevin was heard asking his doctor if he had anymore pills “like cyanide ones,” which his doctor took as a joke and laughed off even though Kevin was completely serious. With stress at his job, being trapped in an awful marriage, and the McMahons yellow lab “Spike” recently passing away, Kevin’s health has been on watch.
We felt bad for Kevin, so we took the liberty of asking his doctor if his heart is in fact healthy enough for sex. “Absolutely not, that guy’s cholesterol is higher than anyone leaving a dive bar bathroom rubbing their nose. His heart is about one heated argument with his wife away from popping like a balloon,” explained the doctor. It’s important to remember the key to a successful, happy, loving marriage is to never be in one.