The sixth annual season for the Booze Over Gatorade fantasy football league has launched, and while the ball-busting is off to a running start, so has the whining from recent divorcee Chris Langford.
“Everyone was anticipating this season as the year Rob drafting Tom Brady finally puts his team in the shitter, but then two weeks before draft night Chris had to go and stop being attractive to his wife. Now he won’t stop complaining about sleeping alone and having to watch Netflix by himself. I told him his fantasy team is even sadder than he is and he didn’t even bat an eye, he’s being really uncool right now.”
League members knew Chris wasn’t all there mentally when he drafted Peyton Manning as his backup quarterback and ruined the chat room by saying “He might be retired, but maybe there’s hope he’ll come back. Just like Stacy, assuming that chiseled 6’4″ bodybuilder Mike at her work is just a friend like she always said.”
“This is not the Chris we all know and constantly rip to shreds. I told him his hairline is going into prevent defense and he just immediately asked me if I thought Stacy was banging black guys. This guy needs to hit the online dating waiver wire, even if that means picking up an offensive lineman or a linebacker who’s into S&M,” said Brad Giles, owner of the team Tony Romo’s a Homo.
The guys quickly realized Chris’s team was dogshit that flies wouldn’t even touch once he started only picking players from teams with her favorite color. The league might not be the shit-talking corner of heaven it once was, but if someone can throw a Hail Mary by sending him a Brazzers password there’s a chance he’ll update his lineup after being given a reason to live in HD.