After seven years of marriage, Brad Clark found out some big news regarding his wife Amy, and by big we mean somewhere around eleven inches. The couple agreed to have some friends over for a night of wine, cheese and discussion of how cute whatever little kid Ellen Degeneres had on her show this week, but things took a spicy turn when belligerent friend Elizabeth “Liz” Barkley made a reference toward Amy about her taking a massive cock to the mouth.
While it wasn’t meant to cause harm, the jerking mouthful motion lit a fiery fuse at the party, starting a discussion of everyone’s sexual encounters. “It was a fun discussion really, until the topic of the biggest dick you’ve ever seen got brought to the table. Every husband and boyfriend there sobered up pretty quick, because we all knew it wasn’t us,” explained party-goer and L.L Bean rewards card member Matt.
Amy never explained exactly how big hers was, but she did allude to it being the size of a traffic cone and not one of those ones they use at soccer practice, but one of those ones they stick on the street to let you know it’s going to be a bumpy road ahead. That it was for husband Brad. “We never had ‘the talk,’ I always tried pushing it away. I knew I wasn’t her biggest, but I also didn’t realize my wife was getting pummeled by a meat cleaver.”
When asked “What now?” Brad responded with “Not sure, my masculinity is pretty much shrunken more than any load of laundry I’ve ever done myself. I’ll probably just suppress this memory for a couple of years, form a drinking habit, develop anger issues and wait until my kids and her resent me enough to leave me all together. Then I’ll celebrate holidays by myself at places like Applebee’s. It’ll work itself out”.