“First of all, I’d like to thank God and the construction workers that laid me here; it was really anyone’s game this year. I know sand was doing his thing throughout the summer and pavement is always putting up good numbers, but I held through with consistency and it is an honor to receive this award,” stated gravel during his acceptance speech.
The vote was a unanimous decision by drunk bitches in heels leaving the bar, making gravel this year’s most unforgiving surface. “Gravel definitely gets my vote. My friend Kelsey broke her ankle walking on gravel in heels like two weeks ago, but she gets Vicodin now legally which is making “wine Wednesdays” way more fun,” explained some bimbo in a tight white dress and for some reason a birthday girl tiara.
Gravel has definitely been putting in the work it takes to win an award such as this. The amount of blood, sweat and tears that have been spilled from girls named Becky and Sammy with an i have been record-breaking since the start of the college semester.
“He killed it this year, and by it I mean a couple girls chances of ever walking again,” said bar doorman Max in reference to gravel. When all is said and done, it’s just cool to see that hard work still pays off. Watch for gravel to make a repeat next year, as a herd of inebriated college broads walk across tiny pebbles with more difficulty than it took for Jesus to walk on water.