After hours of preparation for this year’s draft, fantasy football guru and five-time defending champion Larry Dillon was confident that he would dominate yet again thanks to his team’s MVP, autism spectrum disorder
“Most people assume the reason I’ve been dominating these weak-ass teams is because I have Tom Brady and Adrian Peterson, and while they’re a big part of my team’s success, having a mental illness that causes me to obsess over numbers and stats is what gives my fantasy team the edge it needs,” explained a confident Dillon while wearing a Brady jersey two sizes too big.
While other league owners run errands and waste time with pointless activities such as exercise and haircuts, Larry can be found using his game-winning formula in Microsoft Excel to determine who his second starting running back should be.
“Larry is truly committed to the game. His work ethic and intensity is unmatched, and even though you could say the same about the clothes he’s wearing seven days out of the week, there’s no denying that he’s a fantasy football legend,” said last year’s runner-up Adam Coleman.
Larry also plays on websites such as FanDuel and DraftKings, where his profile picture that shows him playing with legos while wearing thick-rimmed glasses helps him con countless suckers with office jobs into paying for his League of Legends premium account.
This is a classic case of a so-called “disability” turning out to be a positive story, as Larry is so far down the spectrum his autism will no doubt be high-stepping its way to the endzone for the sixth year in a row.