Conspiracy Theorist Angry That Optometrist Insurance Won’t Cover His Third Eye

“It’s just bullshit that I have to pay out of pocket for my third eye, but in a country where they are hiding the cure for cancer and AIDS what should I expect right?” pretentiously explained Matt Thompson.

As part of a yearly checkup, Thompson recently visited his eye doctor and found that his healthcare provider had failed him as a conspiracy theorist after the doctor informed him that it would be extra for him to check the alleged eye Thompson believes is on his forehead.

“This eye allows me to see things, like that Bush orchestrated 9/11 and that there’s a machine in the ocean that causes hurricanes to kill poor people to help control the population. So yeah, I want to make sure it’s dilated properly and whatnot,” stated Thompson.

Furious his insurance would not cover it but frightened that if he did not get his third eye checked out he would lose his insight on how and why the moon landings were fake, Thompson agreed to pay out of pocket for it.

“It was pointless, he made me put the lens profiler up to his forehead while he rambled on about the reptilian elite. After making a joke about it, he got up and told me to stay woke and go fuck myself,” said the eye doctor. Upon storming out Thompson immediately cancelled his insurance, and it is probably only a matter of time before his water purifier he ordered from amazon comes in the mail and he is off the grid for good.

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