Being Fuckable Discovered to be the Alternative to Roofies


Great news for all the gents out there who would never drug a woman, whether it be because of morals or the fledgling economy. A recent study has shown that being attractive by way of appealing looks or a bearable personality can be an alternative to using a date rape drug.

Men who dressed like they gave a shit and devoted enough time to having proper hygiene didn’t need any recreational help, other than having enough money at their disposal to buy off a sleazy congressman, to get the desired attention from the opposite sex. A man wearing Armani and driving a Lexus ironically almost went unconscious himself from an overload of pussy.

Out of all of the men who weren’t obnoxious and overbearing and at least had a beard, only one was deemed unfuckable, as it turns out looking like Paul Giamatti doesn’t have any perks if you work at CVS.

The study found that confidence is indeed sexy, as is the willingness to ask nine follow-up questions to “What do you want to do with your liberal arts degree?” with four compliments sprinkled in-between. Confidence is sexy, and patience is fuckable, the study showed.

So gentlemen with highly questionable ethics and psychopathic tendencies, take this new information, reevaluate your life, and start your engines because with the right preparation and attitude the only thing you should be slipping near a dame’s drink is the scent of your cologne, wafting through the air as if it were a subtle siren revealing the most fuckable man in the room.

About Colin Means
Eloquent drunk-texter

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