Articles by Colin Means

Steve Watson joined one of the many women’s marches that took place worldwide on Saturday, helping strengthen the voice of women everywhere who want everyone to know that they plan on fighting back against oppression. Watson said that he felt strongly about participating as he treasures the women in his family…

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Well 2016 is finally over, and if you’re anything like the writers for this website, that means you probably think you’re going to change and improve your life for the better. Jesus are you delusional. You probably think you’re going to read more and become a more well-rounded, knowledgeable individual….

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John Glenn Dies, And Another Suburban White Kid Wants To Be The Next LeBron

Well this is just great. Another famous astronaut is dead, weakening the enthusiasm of a plethora of doe-eyed Caucasian children living in neighborhoods where ice cream trucks can roam free without suffering consequences. Now the third-most famous astronaut, the Kourtney Kardashian of space travel if you will, has passed on,…

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Regular 9 to 5 Clown Has Had Enough Of This Shit

News reports of terrifying clowns lurking in towns across America have been trickling in at a steady rate, but one hard-working man is trying to raise awareness and bring attention to the fact that some clowns are only demented for choosing to be a disheveled buffoon for a living. Normal-ass…

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America hasn’t been the same the past few weeks, after NFL player Colin Kaepernick either sparked an intriguing social justice movement or ruined your life by changing his posture during a song written 200 years ago, depending on your point of view. Busch Light cans are being slammed down with…

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Fantasy Football Nerd’s Secret Weapon This Year Proving to be Autism

After hours of preparation for this year’s draft, fantasy football guru and five-time defending champion Larry Dillon was confident that he would dominate yet again thanks to his team’s MVP, autism spectrum disorder “Most people assume the reason I’ve been dominating these weak-ass teams is because I have Tom Brady…

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Tim Tebow to Dodge Minor League Baseball Pussy

Everybody’s favorite good ol’ boy Tim Tebow is back in action, but this time around he won’t have a clipboard to hold on the bench to look like he’s actually doing something. After the New York Mets signed the former Heisman-winner to presumably help with poor minor league ticket sales,…

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