Aerial View of Mom’s Tits Really Making Son Regret Hitting Growth Spurt

Sometimes a bird’s-eye view is not all it’s cracked up to be; just ask 14-year-old Justin Halsted. Justin recently hit puberty so hard that someone yelled “Worldstar!!!” as it happened. Many great things have come from it, such as his vague Law & Order SVU suspect mustache, a sudden need for deodorant, and a growth spurt of an astounding five inches.

The growth spurt came disguised as both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the sense of him no longer being overlooked on basketball courts as a short white boy, and now only being overlooked as a white boy. The curse came as an immediate scare; adjusting to his new height, Justin realized he now has an aerial view of his mom’s mediocre cleavage.

“That’s my mom dude, what the fuck,” responded Justin after we asked if he was enjoying the new view of those titties he once feasted upon as an infant. Now standing at an impressive six foot two inches tall, Justin no longer rides the bench for his basketball team and no longer hugs his mom for two floppy, obvious reasons.

The recent change in how he sees his mom’s jugs has changed the relationship between the two somewhat drastically, leaving Justin to ask things such as “What’s for dinner?” vicariously through his younger, smaller brother Johnny. “Johnny’s lucky that right now he’s eye-level with her wide set hips, because he’s in for a wake up call once he gets a gander at mom’s warlocks from an adult point of view,” explained a distraught Justin.

While Justin is busy envying men such as Peter Dinklage, we can only hope that he eventually embraces his future and is able to enjoy the titillating growth spurt God has graced him with.

 

 

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